


florist with a phone

by planetjupiter



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Death Threats, Sibling Bonding, Sneaky Ben, Texting, cause everybody's got their number eight, chat fic, kinda OOC, luther die challenge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-07 07:56:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18616420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/planetjupiter/pseuds/planetjupiter
Summary: jamie is a florist.jamie was a part of the umbrella academy. jamie has control over flowers and plants. jamie has killed many.jamie is a florist.(in which reginald hargreeves was able to collect an eighth child. there is a more serious work coming, but this author chose to put this out first even though it is Dumb. enjoy!)





	florist with a phone

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is my first non-orphaned fic and it's a chat fic cause i like them.
> 
> luther: Tarzan  
> diego: owns 24 knives  
> allison: Triple threat  
> klaus: ouija, nylon  
> five: 5alive, polypropylene  
> ben: bentacles, wool  
> vanya: Violint, fleece  
> jamie: plant mommy, cotton

**the hargoods**

**5alive:** Klaus?

**ouija:** what’s up bud

**5alive:** Can you make me some hot chocolate

**ouija:** on it 

**plant mommy:** you good love?

**bentacles:** unsend unsend

**5alive:** ?

**Triple threat:** I wasn’t supposed to see this but god am I glad I did 

**owns 24 knives:** FIVE IS A CHILD FIVE IS TWELVE YEARS OLD

**bentacles:** tried to warn you.

**5alive:** Ohh fuck

**plant mommy:** y’all shut the fuck up

**Tarzan:** Five, do you want your teddy bear too? Some warm milk maybe?

**5alive:** I’ll slit your throats

**owns 24 knives:** you can’t reach

**Triple threat:** Say goodbye to your shins 

**Violint:** Why is everybody awake at almost 4am

**Violint:** Oh

**Violint:** Stop making fun of Five 

**ouija:** i’ve done nothing but make the hot chocolate he asked for

**bentacles:** you can see i’m perfectly innocent.

**Violint:** Please stop being afraid of me it makes me feel bad

**ouija:** sorry it was for comedic effect 

**ouija:** should’ve made joke tone clearer our bad

**owns 24 knives:** this is so good

**owns 24 knives:** such good blackmail material

**plant mommy:** diego for real shut the fuck up

**Tarzan:** Five, you can never make fun of me again! This is so much worse and so much more embarrassing.

**Violint:** More embarrassing than losing your virginity at 32?

**Violint:** More embarrassing than losing your ring up your girlfriend’s vagina?

**Violint:** More embarrassing than tearing your dress at the Met Ball?

**bentacles:** good fucking lord.

**ouija:** sis snapped

**plant mommy:** she really did

**Tarzan:** Who even told you that?

**owns 24 knives:** how the fuck did you know that

**Triple threat:** Everybody already knew mine I can’t be mad

**5alive:** Thank you vanya

**5alive:** The hot chocolate is related to PTSD issues. klaus somehow makes it in a way that grounds me to the present and keeps me calm, same for him and for vanya. he claims it’s just the cinnamon but i’ve tried to replicate it, as has vanya and even jamie, and it’s impossible

**5alive:** You would know this if you were decent enough to be on the good siblings group chat, which is the one i meant to send the original message to

**5alive:** Goodnight

**bentacles:** good fucking lord.

**ouija:** sis snapped

**owns 24 knives:** i don’t know how to respond

**plant mommy:** maybe try not at all

  
  


**the hargreats**

**Fleece:** Five I’m coming to your room

**Cotton:** me too

**Polypropylene:** No that’s okay

**Fleece:** Not up for debate

**Polypropylene:** Klaus is already here I’m fine

**Cotton:** i literally just want to make sure you’re ok

**Fleece:** Bold of you to assume I’m coming for you and not to assure myself that you’re alright

**Nylon:** come he needs you 

**Wool:** ye he’s just too fucking proud to admit it.

**Polypropylene:** Shut up

**Nylon:** hocho helped right?

**Polypropylene:** Always does

**Wool:** really wish you would stop calling it that klaus.

**Nylon:** what’s wrong with hocho?

**Fleece:** Everything

**Wool:** every fucking thing.

**Polypropylene:** I like it

**Cotton:** yeah not so bad

**Nylon:** at least our head honchos appreciate me

**Fleece:** Head hochos

**Nylon:** gee you’re right! i should’ve made a joke abt that

**Wool:**  lmao get torn apart.

**Polypropylene:** Yuck

**Polypropylene:** Bad visual

**Fleece:** …

**Cotton:** yikies!

**Wool:** why you gotta make it weird

**Nylon:** ptsd

**Polypropylene:** PTSD

**Wool:** fair enough.

**Fleece:** I’m at the door

**Cotton:** i’ll be another few seconds

**Cotton:** jus gettin fruit

**Polypropylene:** Interesting decision

**Cotton:** <3 love you too five


End file.
